It was the first day of school and the kindergartners were now first graders. The teacher told the class, "Now that you are in the first grade, we will need to work on using grown-up words and not baby words anymore. "Now, let's tell everyone what we did over the summer."

Well, the first little girl got up and said she went to see her 'Nana' over summer vacation. The teacher said "That's good! But, we need to start saying grandma like a grownup, not Nana, that's a baby word."

The next little boy got up and said with a big smile that he went for a long ride on the 'choo-choo.' The teacher said "I bet that was exciting! But, we need to start saying train like a grown-up, not choo-choo, that's a baby word."

Well, the last little boy got up to tell what he had done. He said that he had read a book. The teacher said "That's wonderful! Which book did you read?" The little boy stood up nice and tall, puffed out his chest and in his most adult voice he could muster, he said "Winnie The Shit."

A teacher on playground duty noticed a scruffy little boy sitting in the dirt and intently working on something. As she approached, she saw that he was using a twig to stir something in an old soup can.

"What have you got in the can, Johnny?" she asked brightly. He looked up at her with evil little eyes and said, "Got me some chickenshit n' water." After she had recovered from her shock, she stammered, "What in the world are you doing?" "Makin' me a teacher!" "Oooh!" she howled. "The principal shall hear of this!" and she stamped off to find him.

When she returned with the principal in tow, the boy was still hard at work, stirring away, frowning in concentration. "All right, Johnny! Now, you tell me, what have you got in that can there?" said the principal. "I got me some chickenshit an' water" said Johnny, grinning crookedly at the man and continuing to stir. The principal recoiled in horror. "What do you think you're doing?", he bellowed. "I'm makin' me a principal", Johnny replied, leering up at him. "Well, my young friend, we'll just see about that", the principal said, and stormed off to find a cop.

When at last he returned with a policeman, Johnny was still industriously working on his project. "All right, Johnny, what've you got in the can?", the cop asked. Johnny replied, "Got me some chicken shit n' water!" The cop frowned and said, "ah, and I suppose you're going to tell me you're makin' a cop?"

Johnny frowned down into the can, critically examining its contents. "Nope. Ain't got enough chickenshit."

The Teacher chalks up the word, "contagious" on the blackboard and tells the pupils, when called upon, they are to stand and use the word in a complete sentence.

Suzie is called first and she stands and says, "When I had the measles, I had to stay home from school because measles are contagious."

Jimmy was next up and said, "Each year I have to get a flu shot because influenza is contagious."

Johnny is called on and says, "The other day I was riding with my father in town. A lady with a horse and a wagon full of strawberries was in front of us, but she turned the corner a bit too fast and the crates of strawberries tipped off, broke up eveywhere, and strawberries went rolling all over the street. The lady got down and began picking up the berries.

Then my dad said, "It's gonna take that 'contagious' to pick up all them berries."

Little Johnny has been in the second grade for about three years now and can't seem to graduate to third grade. It is the end of the school year and Little Johnny fails again.

The teacher tells little Johnny that if he can write a story of what happened over his summer vacation with out swearing he will go straight to the third grade.

So Johnny agrees and leaves for summer vacation.

The new school year starts, and the teacher says that little Johnny has a story for the class.

"Ok little Johnny tell your story."

Little Johnny gets up in front of the class and starts his story. "Over summer vacation I went to my grandfathers house and he has a big barn with a big cock on top of it. Where ever the cock points that is where the wind is blowing." The teacher says "That was a very good story Little Johnny but why does it have to be a cock?"

Little Johnny looks at his teacher and says, "Well if it was a pussy, the wind would blow right through it!"