SLICK WILLIE'S PLACE
(Sung to the tune of Gilligan's Island)

Oh sit right back and you'll hear a tale
A tale of a fateful trip
That started in Hope, Arkansas
'Tween Jennifer Flowers' hips

Her date was the mighty governor,
Bill Clinton was his name.
One night he met young Paula Jones
And on to her he came.
And on to her he came.

Whitewater started getting rough.
His mighty dick was lost.
If not for the help of the Highway Patrol,
He couldn't get it off,
He couldn't get it off.

Willie left town and settled in this gorgeous new White House
With Hillary, that damn cat too,
The Vice President and his wife,
Kenneth Starr, and a bed
Here at Slick Willie's Place!

So this is the tale of our President,
He shows nothing now but class.
Nothing can distract him
Except a piece of ass.
Except a piece of ass.

The First Lady and Tipper too
Will do their very best
To see that Willie's comfortable
In his government love nest.

He moves, he strikes, he reels them in,
He feels the passion burn.
Before she knows just what is up,
He's banged the new intern.
He's banged the new intern.

So join us here in court my friend,
I'm sure you will be pleased.
Just give your deposition
Down upon your knees.

Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein says he will back down from a confrontation over UN weapons inspections in exchange for Monica Lewinsky.

"From what I'm hearing coming out of the White House, she is nutty and slutty which is just the way I like my mistresses. My SCUD missile is waiting for her," Hussein said from his bunker in Baghdad.

National Security advisors to the president were intrigued by the offer. "Monica's case is definitely distracting the president from properly focusing on the situation with Iraq and this may be a way to kill to two loony birds with one stone. Besides,... our intelligence reports indicate that Saddam's need for sex makes Clinton look like a monk," one of the advisors said.

A man on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving."

He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me, Officer, what's the hold up?"

The Officer replies, "The President just found out Starr has delivered another report to the Congress and he's all depressed. He stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesn't have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers. I'm walking around taking up a collection for him."

"Oh really? How much have you collected so far?" "I've got a lot of folks still siphoning; but right now I have about thirty gallons."

Clinton's testimony according to Dr. Seuss

     I did not do it in a car
     I did not do it in a bar
     I did not do it in the dark
     I did not do it in the park
     I did not do it on a date
     I did not ever fornicate
     I did not do it at a dance
     I did not do it in her pants
     I did not get beyond first base
     I did not do it in her face
     I never did it in a bed
     If you think that, you've been misled
     I did not do it with a groan
     I did not do it on the phone
     I did not cause her dress to stain
     I never boinked Saddam Hussein
     I did not do it with a whip
     I never fondled Linda Tripp
     I never acted really silly
     With volunteers like Kathleen Willey
     There was one time, with Margaret Thatcher
     I chased her 'round, but could not catch her
     No kinky stuff, not on your life
     I wouldn't, even with my wife
     And Gennifer Flowers' tale of woes
     Was paid for by my right-wing foes
     And Paula Jones, and those State Troopers
     Are just a bunch of party poopers
     I did not ask my friends to lie
     I did not hang them out to dry
     I did not do it last November
     But if I did, I don't remember
     I did not do it in the hall
     I could have, but I don't recall
     I never did it in my study
     I never did it with my dog, Buddy
     I never did it to Sox, the cat
     I might have-once-with Arafat
     I never did it in a hurry
     I never groped Ms. Betty Currie
     There was no sex at Arlington
     There was no sex on Air Force One
     I might have copped a little feel
     And then endeavored to conceal
     But never did these things so lewd
     At least, not ever in the nude
     These things to which I have confessed
     They do not count, if we stayed dressed
     It never happened with cigar
     I never dated Mrs. Starr
     I did not know this little sin
     Would be retold on CNN
     I broke some rules my Mama taught me
     I tried to hide, but now you've caught me
     But I implore, I do beseech
     Do not condemn, do not impeach
     I might have got a little tail
     But never, never did inhale

Presidential Agenda.....


     Nixon: Talked about achieving "peace with honor"
     Clinton: Talked about getting a "piece while on her"


Claims To Fame......

     Nixon: Took on Ho Chi Minh
     Clinton: Took on a ho

More Claims To Fame......
     Nixon:     Famous for his widow's peak
     Clinton:   Famous for making widows peak

Remembered Through History As.....
     Nixon:     Ex-President
     Clinton:   Sex President

Second To Nobody.....
     Nixon:     Had a campaign slogan "Nixon's The One!"
     Clinton:   Has women pointing at him saying "He's The One!"

Their Aquaintances....
     Nixon:     Well aquainted with G. Gordon Liddy
     Clinton:   Well aquainted with G-spot

Major Scandal during their presidency....
     Nixon: Watergate
     Clinton: Waterbed

The President's biggest fear....
     Nixon:  The Cold War
     Clinton:  The Cold Sore

Complaints toward the President.....
     Nixon:  Carpet-Bombing
     Clinton:  Carpet-Burns

Presidential excuses....
     Nixon: I have no regrets.  I am not a crook.
     Clinton: It's between ME and MY god.

Their Vice-Presidents...
     Nixon:  His was Greek
     Clinton: His is a Geek.

Presidential qualities.....
     Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger.
     Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her.

Things the President couldn't explain....
     Nixon:  The missing 18-minutes on the tapes
     Clinton:  The 36D bra in his briefcase

Presidential Nicknames....
     Nixon: Tricky Dick
     Clinton: Slick Willy

and finally, Presidental Secrets....
     Nixon:    Secret meetings in the oval office.
     Clinton:  Secret meatings in the oral orifice.

His boloney has a first name,
It's "I did not inhale."
His boloney has a second name:
"I wasn't getting tail."
He loves to sling it every day,
The White House people all just say,
That Billy Clinton has a way
Of making bullshit sound OK!